If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.
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Johnny Depp
Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign,...
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Nick Hornby
Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.
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Jenny Han
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
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Elbert Hubbard
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the...
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Woody Allen
More Quotes By Stephen Colbert
Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
